Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Stuck in a Visues circle

...of self harm...dont worry im not talking about the emo delight of slitting my wrists, but mentally never allowing myself to be happy for more than 5 minutes.
Allot of great things has happened these past few days, but does small sometimes meaningless events in my life constantly reminds me that i should shut up and stop laughing, stop smiling and take things seriously for once.
I would forget things like fathers day but never to call up the same man for cash, cash which i spend on shit i believe could make me feel better about myself, i kind of black out at times and do all these insane things, come together and hate myself even more.
I know my limits, i just apply as much energy as i can to extend it....
........one thing that put a smile on my face (for like a mili sec) was an anonymous comment about me talking about regretting a one night stand......I wasnt really talking about that......and I dont regret them...i prefer not letting people get to know me


Gwyn said...

everyone goes through a faze of self destruction and complete self indulgence... its good you have no regrets... however buying things to make you feel better is maybe unwise... nothing outside you will every make you feel good maybe for a minute.... work on your inside because the outside is just a shell... a very cool shell... but a shell nonetheless...chin up, life's just one fucking lesson that's what i say...

Anonymous said...

Glad that you didn't take my comment as my attempt to hurt or be mean. I thought you were talking about one night stand and being the blunt person that I am, I decided to just ask if that was what it was about.

Also, I learned a lot time ago not to give advice to people I don't know that buying things to make themseleves feel better is unwise. You know yourslef more than anyone does so that will be waste of my time being Dr.Phil to you and I am sure that you know by now that shopping for clothes can only make you happy for a short amount of time. But it is nice that you shared your feeling because you are not the only bloggers or human being that go through this or feel this way about life.

Still love your site!